March 08

Since my last entry was have camped at 3 more puestos that are owned by the gaucho who is bringing us our re-ration. These past campsites have been so beautiful - green pastures nestled in lenga trees. Looks like a magical place suited for faeries.
Today we made it to our re-ration spot. Beautiful campo but no gaucho with our food. The group is getting hungry so I'm praying he arrives tomorrow.
The mountains here have the most humbling and awe-inspiring presence - jagged spines that jut into the clouds above. Rarely do these ominous giants  reveal their faces but today we were lucky enough to catch a glimpse and it was spectacular.
Today's hike was tough - got a bit lost and confused but we made it fine. Noticed the difference in my energy level without food in my stomach. It's not a good feeling.
Been thinking a lot about Dad these past couple days. I wish so badly he could be here with me; he would love this place so much. These mountains only make me think of him.
Last night in my tent group, I'm sad to see it end.

March 04

The rain continued through most of the night. My mind was so accustomed to hearing the loud slapping of the rain on the tent that when it suddenly stopped in the early morning, I woke up immediately. There wasn't complete silence...what used to be rain had now turned into snow. I could hear the light sprinkling of the flakes on the tent. After falling back asleep, we woke up a few hours later, only to find that there was a puddle in our vestibule and at least a 2 in. puddle of water in our tent. My sleeping pad was soaked and my sleeping bag was mostly wet. A lake had formed over night beside us and with a stroke of bad luck, it was draining right underneath our tent. I was frustrated until we zipped open the vestibule and saw that it had snowed several inches in the past few hours. We fell asleep on a lunar landscape and awoke to a winter wonderland. Lenga, our expedition dog (he tagged along after passing a campo a few days ago), had spent the night in the instructors vestibule and was out walking around, shivering wildly. As breakfast was cooking, the sun finally broke through the clouds and everyone was out of their tents, happy as can be.

March 03

I'm sitting in our Hilleberg tent on a cold day in Patagonia. We have been blasted by rain and wind for the past 12 hours and it continues....

A sign of growth: It's pouring rain, freezing cold, everything is damp or wet, and I couldn't be happier. I'm loving this lifestyle so much. I can't even think about home because I'm so 100% here mentally. I think yesterday during our hike to this saddle was the first day I didn't think about home once.

We just had a knot class in our tent with Javier and now we are making hot water for maté and coco in the vestibule. Our plan this afternoon is to read, sleep, and play cards. It's kind of fun to hunker down for a day.

March 01

This is the day I have been looking forward to for years. We are back in the mountains and I couldn't feel more at home. We got dropped off along the Carreterra Austral and hiked about 2 km along a gaucho trail to our first campsite. It feels so good to wear a backpack and to have my boots on. I'm in my element.

Tonight I am grateful for my legs that carried me to this beautiful camp spot. I'm grateful for my feet and back for taking most of the weight and pain and never complaining. I'm grateful for my eyes, ears, nose, mouth - I am able to experience every detail of this place. I'm grateful for my hands and arms for taking the most wear and tear during the kayaking section and for taking me to places I couldn't even dream of. I'm grateful for my heart for pumping blood through my body and for being brave and taking me to Chile. This is really starting to feel like home and I only have a month left.

Life is so goddamn beautiful. I haven't been this happy in a really long time.

February 26

Second to last day of the kayaking section. I've had a bit of an aversion to journaling lately - not really sure why. I think I'm enjoying living in the present and not worrying about scribbling down everything that has happened and taking pictures of everything worthy of a photograph (that would be literally every landscape I lay my eyes on). It's been a wonderful kayaking expedition. I've learned so much and every day just keeps on getting better and better. It's amazing that after 25 days of rain, when I reflect back on where our group has been and what we have seen, the rain doesn't even cross my mind. I'm remembering everything wonderful that we've done and seen because the last thing I want is to waste a single second of this experience thinking negatively. Time is already flying by.
This trip has come full circle. Due to a gas crisis in the region, we had to paddle an extra 40 naut. miles back to Tortel for our transition period. So glad to get to spend a couple extra days on the water. I'm sad to say goodbye to the ocean but SO EXCITED to experience the Patagonian mountains - something I have been dreaming about for years.
After almost 5 days of sunshine, the rain has returned for our final night of the expedition. I'm looking forward to being lulled to sleep by its gentle whispers of farewell on our tent tonight. I'm going to miss this so much.

February 19

"Some people do not have to search, they find their niche early in life and rest there, seemingly contented and resigned. They do not seem to ask much of life, sometimes they do not seem to taking it seriously. At times I envy them, but I do not understand them. Seldom do they understand me. I am one fo the searchers. There are, I believe, millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach; we are drawn by the ocean, taken by its power, its unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty. We like forests and mountains, deserts and hidden rivers, and lonely cities as well. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as is our laughter. To share our sadness with one we love is perhaps as great a joy as we can know - unless it is to share laughter. We searchers are ambitious only for life itself, for everything beautiful it can provide. Most of all we want to love and be loved. We want to live in a relationship that will not impede our wandering, nor prevent our search, nor lock us in prison walls; that will take us for what little we have to give. We do not want to prove ourselves to another or to compete for love. This...is for wanderers, dreamers, and lovers, for lonely men and women who dare to ask of life everything good and beautiful. It is for those who are too gentle to live among wolves." - James Kavanaugh


Matt and I were LODs (Leader of the Day) yesterday. We paddled about six naut. miles to a cool beach where we landed and did a day hike to a spectacular lake. We wanted to switch up our routine a bit and use our poor legs that have been so neglected. We knew that there was a lake near this beach only because of our map, so when we landed we scouted for about 45 mins and determined that the terrain was hikeable and the group seemed stoked about trying to find this lake. It was a hot day so everyone was hiking without shirts and absorbing all that wonderful vitamin D. We made it to the lake - a gorgeous spot where our instructors said that most likely no human being has ever been. Some of the guys and instructors went swimming, yelling as they jumped in and frantically swam through the frigid water. On our way down, we stopped for a break and two huge condors were circling above us in the sky - sometimes getting so close I could see details in their wings and heads. We watched them soar for awhile and then continued on our way.

Today we have a layover day and we did some paddling Olympics. It was hilarious to see the rivalry between the two teams, especially between Murilo and Guppy. Those two are so funny together - they remind me of characters from the Three Stooges.

Murilo also gave a "connection with nature" class in a beautiful spot on a hillside overlooking the channel below us. His thoughts reminded me of what is truly important and the reasons why I did this trip in the first place. He discussed the connection with nature and the evolution of the disconnection between man and nature. Strangely enough, over the past 25 days I seem to have forgotten my passion and connection with the natural world. Due to the nature of this expedition (and lest I forget I am technically at school right now), we have not had much spare time for reflection. No time to stop and breathe and enjoy the silence. During his class we talked a lot about society and its downfalls. Being out here is what it means to be human. The greed, competitiveness, the negativity, and materialism - it overwhelms our brains and makes us think believe that those things are natural; we think that our lives at home are natural. Being out here is what is natural and what our bodies are designed to do. This is what is means to be human.
One of my goals for the future is to live simply. I'm going to appreciate the small things, realize what is excessive, and take nothing for granted.

February 17

Just had two of the best days yet. Stayed two days on a beautiful beach which was owned by an old Chilean couple, the Landeros. We got to visit Dalia (her husband was in Tortel getting a tooth problem fixed) and talk with her. We made her a large pasta dinner using some of our rations and all squeezed around her big iron stove and sipped maté. It was an absolutely life-changing experience. She was so welcoming - never hesitated to invite a group of 16+ smelly gringos into her small home. She made the most delicious pancitos and sopapillas for us and allowed us to hang some of our soggy clothes on her porch. Such a sweetheart.

Our second night there, she invited us five girls to sleep in her extra bedroom. We hadn't given her a definite answer whether we would be coming or not. After grabbing our sleeping bags from our tents, the sun began to set and we worried that she would have already gone to bed. We decided to walk over to her house anyways because we knew it would mean the world to her to have some girls to talk with. I'm still not sure if she saw our headlamps walking towards her house or not, but when we walked through her gate, she was standing waiting on the porch in her pajamas with a big smile on her face. I'll never forget it. She invited us in and fed us pancitos with the most delicious jam. Most of the conversation was between Natalia and her but I chimed in as much as I could. I did my best to translate the conversation for Devin, Kate, and Liz who speak limited spanish. We talked until about 11:30 until we all were falling asleep. We crammed all five of us into a little room with two twin beds. Devin and I snuggled in one bed, Kate and Natalia in the other. Liz used 2 thermarests and slept at the foot of our beds. It was such a treat to sleep in a bed for a night. We woke up early, made sure we made it to weather check with the rest of our group. The group consensus was to continue paddling that day, so I made sure to visit Dalia once more and say thank you and goodbye. She told me that I am welcome any time and that she hopes that I can come back and stay for at least a month. We parted ways after a smile and a "nos vemos pronto" meaning "we will see each other soon". She was one of the nicest people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.

These past two days have helped me establish a sense of place - I was reminded that I was in Chile, not the United States. It sounds dumb, but it's easy to forget when you are living with 16 Americans. What I enjoy most about the Chilean custom is that these people do not care who you are or where you are from. Dalia never once asked my name or where I was from - a social norm in the US. She only talked about herself when prompted. Otherwise we would sit quietly and both enjoy the maté. It was a conversation between two humans; a beautifully natural conversation about things that we both loved and that interested us. I asked her what she thought about the dam issues in Patagonia and she made it very clear that she is against the dams because it would ruin the nature and beauty of this place, her home. She remarked that the people in Santiago don't think about people like her and her husband who live out here and rely on the rivers and enjoy the beauty and purity of Patagonia. After only a couple conversations of limited spanish, I understand more about Dalia's passions and her life than I do for a lot of my friends back home.

I was sad to leave but today was our first blue bird day of the entire expedition. We needed to take advantage of this weather and continue our travels. Dalia was sad to see us go but I have a feeling I will be seeing her again. Kate and I are already planning a trip to go back and visit Dalia and her husband.
When the sun comes out, the beauty of this place is so apparent - I'm literally speechless. The love and happiness I feel being down here is indescribable. This is my truest passion and all I want is to show other the beauty and peace I find in exploring and living this fantastic, simple life.

No rain tonight - just the soft trickling of water from the stream outside our tent. Oh, and I got a new tent group: Adam and Marcello. Seems like a good group thus far. Missing people back home but so so grateful to be where I am at this very moment. Only 7 days more of paddling. Yikes! Where has the time gone?