April 06

It is the eve of the last day of this great expedition. I will be back in Denver in exactly 7 days - my bed, my parents, FOOD, my house, my cell phone on, the world whirling around me. Time, places, numbers - my mind can't understand what any of it means. How can 2.5 months already have passed? How can I be sitting in our Hilleberg home on Lago Cochrane right now and in a week I'll be back in the 'burbs of Denver? I'm excited to hug my parents, but I already miss this place and the clarity it provides.
When I flew away from Denver on January 18th, my world was made up of two places: the Denver I came from and the wild Patagonia I was going to. Now as I sit here after 80 days in this place, my dual world has transformed into three places: the Denver I came from, the wild Patagonia, and the Denver I will return to. Each of these places are different because I am different. A new me, a new outlook.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about going home. I'm nervous about the post-adventure expectations. I'm nervous about slipping into old habits. I'm nervous about forgetting about the lovely Patagonia and all she has taught me.

Yes, this has been an absolutely wild adventure and yes it has changed my life without a doubt; but it has just been my life. It is a simple as that. Yes, 80 days is a long time not to shower, to live out of a tent, to be disconnected from the rest of the world - but it has become so natural. Wake up every morning, pack my few belongings into a kayak or backpack and go. As the sun sinks below the horizon, my head hits my wonderful stuff-sack pillow and I'm off into dreamland. Wake up and repeat. It's simple. It's exciting. It's living. Everyday consisted of the basics; what we needed to do to simply survive - nothing more, nothing less.

This journey is nothing special enough to make me better than anyone else on this planet; nothing that makes me more knowledgeable or experienced. Some people live their lives in the cities, some people explore. I have chosen the latter. To each his own.

It is a bizarre feeling to accomplish a life-long goal at such a young age; a feeling of immeasurable accomplishment mixed with the slightest feeling of fear. I have dreamt about exploring Patagonia since I first discovered she existed (sometime early middle school). I was drawn by her wildness and her majestic mountains. I wanted a challenge and she seemed to be offering such a gift with open arms.  "A life-long goal" - the title says it all. I expected to work all my life to get to Patagonia. Road-bike journeys from the Northern Hemisphere to the South crossed my mind; only a quick two-week tourist trip was all I imagined myself getting.
But she's here, she's in front of my very eyes. Her pure, sweet air is filling my lungs. Her soft ground is below my feet. Her beauty exists on a myriad of levels - from the smallest molecule of glacial debris, to the thousands of species of vegetation, to the condors mastering her powerful winds, to the grand snow-covered peaks for as far as the eye can see. This land is untouched, untainted. She is utter purity.

So I can check one of my biggest life goals off the list. I'm left feeling unsettled...what now?

There is a native plant of Patagonia, called the Calafate, that grows delicious berries and large thorns. We saw Calafate while kayaking and we bushwhacked through the thorny bushes in the mountains. It is believed that if you eat a calafate berry, you will return to Patagonia in the future.
I guess I'll have to go back :)

April 02

"Of all things...I've wondered the hardest about the seduction of certain geographies that feel like home - not by story or by blood, but merely by their forms and colors. How perceptions are our only internal map of the world. How there are places that claim you. How you can fall in love with the light." - Ellen Meloy


Can't believe it's April and we are finally on ISGT. Had a great end to mountaineering - 3 easy days of mellow hiking with an awesome group. We followed the Nadis River until we reached the Carreterra Austral and met up with the I-team and the other groups for a delicious asado at a beautiful campo. I ate red meat for the first time in a year and didn't even get a stomach ache! We got picked up the next morning with the TrenTrenVilus and went back to our first campsite in Cochrane (the place where we first learned how to set up tents and tarps...how far we've come!!) The next next we finished up rendezvous tasks and got ready to go for ISGT. The dream team: Liz, Adam, Scott, Kate, and Marcello. 5 of my closest friends on the trip! Don't know how that worked out but I'm lovin' it. On, also got a bunch of letters during rendezvous. Got a few from Mama, Sarah, Hannah B., Deb, and Dylan. Nice to hear what's going on back home.
For ISGT, my group got dropped off near Lago Cochrane at a campo called Buena Vista. We originally made an intense travel plan for the 8-day expedition but after being given a disgusting amount of food, we are feeling lazy and have decided to do a more relaxed route. These first few days we haven't moved at all due to some gastrointestinal issues that are plaguing the group. I think the biggest suspect is all the rich food from the past couple of days and some mystery berries we put in the yummy cobbler last night. Tonight everyone seems to be feeling better. We plan to be on the move tomorrow. We are camped alongside this beautiful lake with Argentina a stone's throw away. We are getting blasted with wind, but its a warm wind and I could care less. The landscape is a lot more arid than the forests we have been traveling in for the past months.

March 26

"The longest journey begins with a single step, not the turn of an ignition key. That's the best thing about walking, the journey itself. It doesn't matter whether you get where you're going or not. You get there anyway. Every good hike brings you eventually back home: Right where you started." - E. Abbey


It has been a crazy six days since I last wrote. Since our last campsite and layover day at the lake below the glacier, we moved a total of 23 k to our spot right now. During our first move, I hiked with Liz, Taggart, James, Marcello, and Devin. Had a quick hike following a small river - lots of thick bushwhacking. Arrived at what we believed to be our "x" (final point of destination) at around 3 pm only to find no I-team and no other hiking groups. After triple-checking our location, we fully believed we were at our intended point of destination. We ended up spending the night alone and speculating what could have happened to the other groups. We scouted early the next morning and discovered that we had made a huge mistake - we were actually 4k away from the true "x" and we needed to get there by noon before they sent out search teams. We packed up camp and hiked quickly; thankfully we ran into the search teams before they split up to do multiple day search expeditions. We were greeted with smiles of relief but there was definite tension in the group. I think the group was honestly worried about us and "emotionally frustrated" to hear that we had made a dumb navigation error. Everyone got a good night's sleep after a long day and woke up around 6 am to push 9k (what turned out to be 11 k) to our next "X" (we were pushing towards our re-ration spot so we didn't miss the gaucho). I was LOD with Jack, Kate, Natalia, and Chris as my team. Knowing the steepness of the terrain, I decided to push my group up and over a ridge instead of potentially getting cliffed out by the river. We hiked tirelessly all day, slowly bushwhacking our way up the ridge, dodging steep drainages and impassable fallen trees. As we rounded the ridge, the hours slipped away as we continued to traverse. The sun began to fade and we made the decision to get to the river ASAP in order to avoid walking and scrambling our way down the extremely steep terrain in the dark. Our bodies were tired and sore and group morale was at its lowest. Jack fell (caught by a scraggly little tree) and thankfully was only bruised - if not for that tree, he would have fallen a long, long way down. We got to the river only to discover a 30-foot wide cliff that stood between us and our last 2 k to our intended "x". We scouted the river but our exhausted bodies advised us to wait until morning to cross.
In the morning we tried to go up and over but couldn't pass - way too cliffy. We scouted the river again but couldn't find a safe spot. My heart and mind racing - what do I do in this situation? We are stuck. I tried to keep my cool but succumbed to emotion. Tears fell (mainly due to fatigue and frustration). We literally could not move forward towards our "x" and our bodies were low on energy due to minimal food. We decided to stay put in hopes of the search teams finding us. We built a big fire and hung our brightest possessions (jackets, tarps) in the trees. Around 2 pm, we heard the faint yells of a search team. We began to yell back, hearts beating with adrenaline. The absolute best moment - seeing Yuri, Brett, and Dalio on the other side of the cliff, hiking down through the trees. They were excited and relieved to see us and we were ecstatic to see them. They helped us cross the river but even with their help, Natalia almost went swimming down river. With almost no food in our stomachs and our bodies weak, we hiked the remaining 2 k to the "x" and then pushed an additional 4 k to the re-ration spot where the other groups had already gone.
I have never felt so physically exhausted in my life. We scrambled down to the river, guided only by our headlamps. We were greeted by two horses and the gauchos who brought us dinner for the night. We heard excited yells from amigos across the river at the campo. We crossed the river the next morning with help from a team of gauchos on horses. The group greeted us with hot drinks, biscuits, and pancitos as my frozen body hobbled towards the tents. So happy to see the entire group together, I missed them in the 2 days we were apart.
Had a beautifully relaxing days at the campo. Lots of maté and campfire time. I was elected one of the three LODs for our final 3-day ISGE (Independent Student Group Expedition). The group: Scott, Liz, Marcello, and Devin. Booyah! So happy. So thankful for this place. Going to bed smiling tonight.

March 20

Haven't written in awhile. We have been so busy lately but we had an awesome four days next to the glacier. We hiked up a steep ridge and camped on a harsh, lunar landscape with spectacular views of peaks in every direction. We woke up to a storm the first morning but the weather cleared up by the afternoon and we fit in a glaciology class and a snow protection/anchor class. The next day we ice climbed which was so fun. We also learned how to build ice protections and anchors. The third day we were blessed with a blue bird day so we decided to push for peak ascents. Eight of us attempted the summit of a beautiful, glacier-covered peak. After a longer-than-expected traverse in, we got about halfway up and called it quits due to steep and sketchy terrain (rotten rock) and incoming weather. Although I was frustrated in the moment, it was a great lesson. Not making it to the summit is a part of the game of mountaineering and it was a solid reminder of why I climb mountains. The summit does not necessarily have to be the final goal and it is important to remember that the summit is only half the trek. Making back to base camp is the true goal of mountaineering. We had an epic hike back to camp. We took a different route and traversed across the glacier the whole way back. We were following Javier as he probed for snow bridges and hidden crevaces. Made it back to camp around 5 pm and made dinner with Matt.
The other half of our group made a sweet summit of a more scraggly peak on the opposite side of the glacier from where we were. They summited around 7 pm (after a technical rock climb as the last pitch) and we watched them walk home after the sunset, guided only by their headlamps. The sky had the most stars I've ever seen. Mars was bright orange on the horizon and Venus was sitting majestically above Cerro Barrancas.
The next day we had a long hike down to the valley and got into camp around 7 pm.
I'm starting to feel the length of this course, physically and mentally. Really ready to head home but trying to enjoy my last couple of weeks here. I have fallen in love with Patagonia: her wildness and energy are like no other place in the world. We joke that Patagonia is our 6th instructor. At the end of the day, she has taught us the most.
I'm falling asleep tonight to the soft whispers of rain on our tent. Life is good and beautiful.

March 16

"I gave my heart to the mountains the minute I stood beside this river with its spray in my face and watched it thunder into foam, smooth to green glass over sunken rocks. Shatter to foam, again. It was rare and comforting to waken late and hear the undiminished shouting of the water in the night. And at sun up it was still there, powerful and incessant, with the giant sun tangled in its rainbow spray, the grass blue with wetness, and the air heady as ether and scented with campfire smoke. 
By such a river it is impossible to believe that one will ever be tired or cold. Every sense applauds it. Taste it; feel its chill on the teeth; it is purity absolute. Watch its racing current, its steady renewal of force; it is transient and eternal. And listen again to its sounds: get far enough away so that the noise of falling tons of water does not stun the ears, and hear how much is going on underneath - a whole symphony of smaller sounds. Hiss and splash and gurgle, the small talk of side channels, the whisper of blown and scattered spray gathering itself and beginning to flow again, secret and irresistible, among the wet rocks." - Wallace Stegner


The last few days have been spent doing mountaineering classes at our old base camp in the forest. We learned how to rope in for glacier travel. It's a complicated process but fairly systematic. Practice overtime will make it easier. Then we learned about rope ascension using only prussick knots (waist and foot prussicks). This system is useful during crevace rescue and during rock climbing.
Yesterday we hiked 7 k up to our new basecamp next to a beautiful glacier. It is a lunar landscape - nothing living, only glacially polished rock and debris. Our plan for the next four days is to ice climb, learn crevace rescue techniques, and possibly do peak ascents (depending on the weather, of course).
We went to bed under a brilliantly starry sky last night (the southern cross right over us), but woke up this morning to a storm that rolled in overnight, pummeling us with wind and rain. Matt, Natalia, and I are LODs for the next two days but all we can do for now is hunker down in the tents and wait out this storm.  There has been lots of talk about home going on in my tent - making me feel a little homesick. Four more weeks in this beautiful place. I'll be home in no time.

March 13

Best day yet. Without a doubt. Oh my god.

Learned how to self-arrest, wear/walk in crampons, and we summited our first peak. We woke to see the sun rise at 5:45 in hopes of good weather. Patagonia responded to our optimistic energy by giving us a beautiful (cloudless and windless) day. We started hiking around 7:30 am and climbed to a snow field on a nearby peak. All day - 360 degree views of endless mountains and the massive San Lorenzo. We had snow school for the next couple of hours. Best classroom in the world.
Around 4:30 we decided to push to summit our first peak as a entire group. It was a scramble up - the final pitch was a snow-covered knife ridge with huge drop offs on either side. We summitted around 5 pm, the sun was getting lower by the minute. When I made it to the top, I was absolutely overcome by emotion. So happy I could've cried. Living the dream!!! We spent awhile taking in the views on the summit. Finally headed down around 6 pm. A couple people actually had to self-arrest on the way down - good thing we had that class a few hours before. Had a great hike down with Scott, Patti, Natalia, and Swank. Got back to base camp around 8 pm - just in time for some dinner and sleep. AWESOME day.

March 10

Today was a tough but good day. I learned a lot about leadership and different types of terrain. Liz and I woke up early to bake Adam a yummy birthday biscuit (made with bakers chocolate and melted hobby bars...so good). We woke him up and gave him breakfast in bed - he loved it. We did a day hike up to a saddle to cache our 3rd ration and scout out a base camp for the next 15 days. We had a tough time navigating up the saddle but once we got up there, we were greeted with the most incredible views. The mighty San Lorenzo was showing its face. Literally brought tears to my eyes. Feeling so lucky to be here.
I'm excited for mountaineering during this upcoming week. Felt a bit homesick today - I want to share what I'm seeing so badly.
My newest goal: eliminate all negative energy from my life. No harvesting bad thoughts and absolutely no complaining.
A month from today will be the end of the course - can't believe I've already been here for 2 months. I wonder how everyone is doing back home. Sending good vibes to my friends and family. Tonight I'm missing Hannah Mae, Sarah, and Patty. I hope they are doing well.